flying high…

5 Sep

Regional airlines are a whole different deal to the International ‘jumbo’ variety…not necessarily worse or better … just different. But I must say today’s mile high adventure certainly kept me amused for the afternoon.

After arriving at the airport dead on time to board, the process was held up momentarily when a group of 10 Chinese business men submitted their carry on luggage for screening. Every single bag contained an umbrella despite the security attendant requesting they be removed prior to screening … (It seems the humble’umbrella’ is  difficult communicate despite the amusing and rather theatrical play-acting)… Fortunately everyone was good natured and after lots of giggles we were being hurried along to board….only trouble was I busting to go to the loo.

air hostessAs we boarded the 36 seat aircraft, I glanced around in search of a sign to indicate there was in fact a toilet on this ‘toy’ plane…there was …phew!! So I took my seat with pelvic floor muscles fully engaged and distracted myself with the compulsory safety announcement being made by the uncharacteristically ‘posh’ hostess.

She was hilarious. Speaking like a new grad from June Dally-Watkins School of Elocution, but with about as must emotion as ‘Siri’ …she delivered her spiel mindlessly (clearly thinking about what she had planned for a big night in the city). Then it happened…  she forgot her lines! Stopped dead, she started to giggle and let out an ‘oh shit’ followed by profuse apology for losing her train of thought.

After all requisite checks were complete we were on our way and that urge (for more than just a quick toilet on planepee) was back, so I headed for the loo @ the front of the plane and squeezed myself into the smallest cubicle I have ever seen. Now I know that bathroom facilities on any plane are far from generous, but this was ridiculous, I can’t imagine what an oversized passenger make of it in an emergency loo stop.

Anyway enough about all that. I made it and managed to complete all necessary bodily functions, but to my absolute horror …I could not find a ‘flush’ button anywhere. OMG there I was trapped in the tiny cubicle searching for anything that resembled a flusher, and knowing I couldn’t possibly exit until I did.

After what felt like an eternity, I saw this innocuous looking panel and tentatively touched it…. relieved at the sudden sound of a loud vacuum I was free to return to my seat on the toy plane at last.

I had just settled back to enjoy the remainder of the short journey when,  Posh Siri  started her refreshment round, and promptly poured coffee in the lap of a passenger in front of me (this flight was certainly shaping up to be interesting if nothing else). Fortunately no harm was done and the passenger was particularly forgiving…despite then having cold water poured in her lap to reduce the possible impact. Ouch!

Finally, as we began our approach to the city, the captain decided to say a few words. Well, having come to terms with  ‘Posh Siri’ … it was now time to meet the Captain  … what a hoot. Completely unexpected the voice of a layback country local boomed over the loudspeaker

 ‘yeah, g’day there.. we’ll soon be landing and the weather’s been pretty crook! hope you’ve got somethin to throw on as you stroll to the terminal.Thanks for flying with us and hope we see you’s all agen soon’

You know… Just thinking about it all Flying High may have just been a few years ahead of it’s time !!

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