Tag Archives: nonsense

time to come out of the closet…

7 Oct

The warm weather has arrived and with it a need to switch into a summer wardrobe …which means it’s time to kick off the boots and slip on the strappy sandals.

But here’s the thing… I have a confession to make.. it’s time to fess up, you see I have really embarrassing ankles.

They are not the regular cankle variety where the shape is continuous from calf to foot, but
canklesmore of the   “OMG you have hernias on your feet” kind of look, and the strappy sandal becomes quite an issue if not chosen wisely.

Winter is a blessing because boots hide a multitude of sins… but bring on the summer footwear and suddenly I become acutely aware of my muffin tops.

I’ve spoken to a few ‘professionals’ who have drawn blanks, in fact one Physio giggled and said he had ‘not ever seen anything quite like it’ …. mmm helpful (not).

Now, while I know there are much bigger issues …. like solving poverty and achieving world peace…  I wonder what the chances are of having a spot of liposuction (if in fact it is a fatty deposit …not a weirdly ruptured muscle … but who’d know??)… OR perhaps I’m a candidate for “Embarrassing Bodies”

Anyway I feel much better having gone public and would love to know if others share this bizarre affliction and what you do to disguise it.

I may be 50Something but we all deserve to be proud of our  ankles….. don’t we ??CAM00242

 

 

 

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pass me a neck brace …

22 Sep

I’m beginning to wonder if I am ‘slop made’…or if other people suffer in silence regarding today’s bizarre issue.

Basically my problem is that my head doesn’t fit on a headrest. There I have admitted it, after years if thinking I am a misfit or have some kind of deformity…. (both of which may be true)….I’ve gone public.

My ‘issue’ has been a long standing one, but it was reinforced this last weekend, both on my plane trip and then in the car. In both cases I was tired but could not relax and let my head rest on the headrest without tilting back at a ridiculous near 90deg angle (well, I’m not so good with geometry, but you get the picture), leaving me with a stiff and sore neck today.

Over the past years I have contemplated this from time to time, and wondered if it relates to my posture. BUT I have checked the direction of my neck, and while it’s not perfect, it’s certainly aiming up ~ not forward like a turtle, which would at least explain something.  I know that the head support on the drivers seat is a precaution against whip-lash…rather than for having a nap while in control of the vehicle, but as a passenger, surely it’s not unreasonable to close your eyes and recharge the batteries while the road noise (or hum of the jet engines) puts you to sleep.

neck rest

Perhaps this is what I need  …

These days I am a bit more prepared (mostly) and when the trip is a reasonable length, I use a neck pillow… but it doesn’t stop me wondering who the designers of these ‘added comforts’ really are …and whose body they use for the template. (and whether or not I am the odd one in this topic lol)

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facing dandruff …

20 Sep

Back in the big smoke after my outback adventure and I couldn’t help but be stunned by the beauty of Sydney as we flew in today …a perfect clear and sunny afternoon with the harbour covered in sailing boats, and the iconic bridge and Opera House showing off … just breathtaking.

Sydney Air

The only thing that dampened my magical moment was  ‘interference’ in the form of my ‘next-door-neighbour’. There I was the ham in the sandwich between 2 generously proportioned men, and the one by the window was becoming more and more inconsiderate.

From the minute we took off he adjusted the window shade constantly up-down-open-shut then halfway in between. I managed to amuse myself with a movie for the most part, making  his fidgeting bearable, but as we made our approach over Sydney he leaned forward and proceeded to scratch at his mangy beard. Next minute specks of ‘snow’ were falling from his face…dry dead skin was sprinkling all over his lap…. so I found it way too hard to gaze through him (and is face dandruff)to get more than a quick glimpse out the window.

I thought hard about what I could say…but given the strange nature of my complaint (“excuse me sir, but your face dandruff is offending me”), and my vocal challenge, he would have no chance of understanding my issue.

I know it’s always a lucky dip in the crazing and crowded world of airline travel….but I wonder how I can guarantee not to be seated next a passenger with personal hygiene issues in the future….would it be to unreasonable to make a formal request ? LOL.

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cubicle complaints …

19 Sep

For some reason tonight takes me back inside the ladies loo. I’m beginning to wonder why I do so much ‘wondering’ in there…. but it can be a fascinating place sometimes.

I popped into the poolside facility at the moderately swanky (as opposed to really swanky)conference hotel, and was stunned to find several shower cubicles alongside the loos; each complete with every pampering potion you could ever need… shampoos, conditioners, body wash …you name it, it was there. Then there were hair dryers and straighteners plugged and in ready to go at each vanity basin ….and …wait for it … 2 sets of uber-modern bathroom scales,  one on each side of the vast tiled space.

While I wondered who would really use those scales…I was impressed with the effort and the decor of the whole place.

loo paperUNTIL …..I finally dragged myself away from all this fancy stuff…and went to the loo, (fortunately for just a quick visit), only to discover there was not one square of toilet paper..arrrgh!!

Surely if the interior designer had gone to all that effort to accommodate every whim, they could have installed some sort of facility for an emergency supply of loo paper (or just left a spare roll within reach – I mean, how hard can that be ?).

 

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if a bargain seems to good to be true …it probably is…

3 Sep

Some good things come to an end all too soon.

shoes 2Like many women I harbour a passion for shoes, and a few weeks back I bagged myself a real bargain.  I came across the perfect ankle boots…they slipped on like a glove and felt as soft as slippers to wear… AND they were half price.

B_A_R_G_A_I_N !!  

So much so that I actually went back the following day to try and buy a second pair to have in reserve for when they wore out….but clearly others felt the same way and snapped them all up. Thank goodness I only ended up with on pair.

Having enjoyed the comfort for the past 4 weeks … (and smiled every-time I thought of the price)… they have now stretched so much that  I’m almost slipping out of them.. and one has developed an embarrassing ‘pfft’ sound with ever second step.

clip…’pfft’…clip…’pfft’…clip…’pfft’ ..shoes

I sound like a farting draft horse, and look like a duck as I waddle to keep them on. The funny thing is that they seem to have ‘let go’ all of a sudden, yet there is no sign of damage or fault that would justify me trying to return them ( I thought about it).

Lesson learned …. if a bargain seems to good to be true …. it probably is.

Damn, it looks like I better go shopping for some new ones !!

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what would Colonel Sanders think ?

2 Sep

Today I had a conversation with one of my rural  ‘study buddies’ that made me stop and wonder ….

We were talking about life on the land and some of it’s trickier aspects, particularly in relation to the weather. There is no doubt that a farming life is not for the faint hearted. Day in… day out, the work is relentless and so often thankless, but then I got to thinking about the animals…in particular the chooks.cold chook

My friend was telling me about a recent and sudden cold snap that saw temps plummet to -6deg, unprecedented in the area. She went out to feed the chooks only to find their water frozen solid yet THEY were busy clucking and laying like it was any other day.

How IS that ? I mean their frail little bodies have hardly any insulation, not to mention their scrawny legs and feet…. and while they wear their feather coat, it’s hardly made for sub frozen chookszero conditions.

Then there are the eggs, what stops them from freezing solid? I know that they are being sat on … but seriously those outside temps cannot be good for them.

Clearly there are a range of farm animals that need to deal with these adverse conditions …but somehow my mind could not go past the image of a small frozen hen trying to please it’s owner despite the potential frostbite…I’m guessing that the supermarket freezer cabinet would almost be a relief.

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more ornithological observations

27 Jul

Some of you may recall my recent mumblings about the odd behaviour of a bunch of unidentified, and somewhat nondescript birds. There they were, huddled together on the electrical cable high above the middle of the river, presenting me with a  whole lot of unanswered questions… most of which remain unanswered (and forgotten… along with the birds).birds

That is… until today.

This morning as I crossed the river, I looked upstream where the sky was clear, the river still…and there was not a bird in sight. BUT when I looked to my left the fog was settled low on the water and the surface was littered with small dark creatures who appeared to be hiding in the thick of the fog.

Now I don’t know about you, but this makes me wonder what goes on in their tiny bird brains. So, you guessed ….I ‘googled it’ .

I discovered more than I care (or need) to know about bird intelligence… and while I now know that many are capable of counting… I still don’t know what this odd fog dwelling behaviour was all about (when clearly I would have chosen the sunny side of the bridge).

BUT…It’s Sunday night and no doubt the busy week ahead will mean that these big bird issues will soon be forgotten… along with the weekend.

 

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who am I ? ….really?

24 Jul

Tonight’s musing is in a similar vein to last night … but without the ‘risky twist’.

I want to share another story of vehicle incongruity ….. As I said last night I love the colour and  richness that cultural and religious diversity brings to our day …and today was no different.

Today, when I was in the carpark of a very multicultural suburb in Sydney’s western suburbs I spied a small car with religious decals on (almost) every window … you’ve probably seen them…stickers depicting  rosary beads, crucifix, hands lady praying …even a silhouette of Jesus himself.

rosary 3rosary 2cross

You can imagine my surprise, amusement and delight when I walked past the car to spot hot pink car seat covers with “playgirl” plastered across them …

playgirl

 

I’m wondering if there is a clash of identity going on here ? or simply a struggle for the playgirl to shake the shackles of her rosary beads??

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beauty in a bottle..or tube..or jar….

20 Jul

Back in the bathroom and reflecting on the tough world of womanhood.

There are products everywhere to…clean, moisturise, tint, tighten, straighten, add body, strip colour, whiten, hold and shine, deodorise and sanitise… and they just keep coming even when you don’t buy them. Sample products that all look like a great offer (everyone likes something for nothing …right?) …and a chance to try something new …(but rarely do).beauty-sweeps

On Wednesday I left the hairdresser with yet another tube of cream styling stuff … my reward for having visited 10 times….. I came home and added it to the collection, wondering why I couldn’t have just had a discount instead.

Now the challenge is to figure what tube does what each morning as I prepare to face the world…. Being ’50Something’   means having the glasses handy so that I can actually read the labels.

The last thing we want is to moisturise with a styling cream that adds body and bounce…..to my face!

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a spotlight on the spud…

14 Jul

I feel really lucky to live in a small semi-rural village , and work just 30mins away in the hustle and bustle of a city on the outskirts of Sydney.

Every day I drive 25 of those minutes along the river… through small farms and horse studs . It’s the perfect way to wind up or wind down from work (and it gives me plenty of ‘wondering’ time).

potatosDuring these winter months it’s cold and dark as I weave my way home along the lowlands… past the small farms and market gardens. So you can imagine my surprise when I came across spotlights and headlights in the middle of a paddock this evening.The field was lit up like a showground, yet I struggled to see what was going on at the centre of all the action… until I got a little closer and discovered a massive potato harvesting operation in full swing.

Who would have imagined ? 7pm in the middle of winter and there they were all hands on deck to get the spuds out of the ground. I couldn’t decide whether it was admirable or mad… but I guess when your spuds are done they’re done, and the market wont wait.

Just one more damn good reason that I’m not a farmer… (but thank goodness some people are… otherwise where would our chips come from?)

 

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