Archive | May, 2014

cheap at half the price…

17 May

Well it’s not too often that we can say that we’re pleasantly surprised with the cost of health care… BUT today I popped into a local massage practice to see what they could do for my “shampoo shampooinjured shoulder”….(yep that’s right ….muscle injury sustained while shampooing in the shower).

Anyway..after a good 30 mins of massage, complete with hot rocks and oil…I dressed and paid the bill to find the gap payment was a grand total of $3.00. ….less that the proposed gap payment for a visit to the GP (not that I want to get political …but all my Aussie friends will know what I am on about).

Don’t get me wrong here… I’m loving it… BUT I just don’t understand !!

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the world according to Homer

16 May

The whole concept of satellite navigation systems is hard for dohmy tiny brain to grasp. I mean, who has the job of entering every new street and every building into the data base ?… and who teaches Siri (or in our case….Homer) how  to say all these new names?

Homer Simpson has been living inside our tiny Tom Tom for years…He has steered us around town with remarkable accuracy…made small talk… and even  ad libbed the odd joke (albeit with a really annoying voice)

… but HOW does he know where to go?

I just wonder ….?

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haunted by a full moon…

15 May

full moon

Driving home tonight  I looked up and saw the amazing full moon…. then thought to myself …mmm where else have I seen that today?

Not once or twice …but THREE times in the one day I have had ‘full moons’ inflicted on me in the form of oversized, white and very very hairy male buttocks. What’s with that???

The first was a large and lovely young man who was helping load some things into my bum crackcar… As he bent into the back seat his ‘less-than-designer’ grey trakkie dacks crept waaay too low revealing waaay too much flesh and suggesting that there were no undies anywhere to be seen.

I soon got on with my day and headed to a meeting. There I met another ‘extra-generously’ proportioned young man who pulled up a chair to sit beside me. As he did HIS low-rise ill fitting jeans snuck well below his ‘crackline’ where they stayed for the entire gathering. (I must admit the ’50Something’ mother in me was just as worried bum crack bikeabout him being cold, as I was about his flesh oozing for the world to see).

Finally as I was heading back to the office, I passed a third heavyweight gent. He zipped past me on a motorbike with both cheeks hanging out and his jacket flapping in the wind…

It got me to wondering if this is some kind of sign … and if so what on this earth (or moon)  it is???

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wordswordswords

14 May

As I have mentioned several times … I’m a ‘words’ person not a ‘numbers’ person.

So whenever I am out and about I can’t help but notice the them  … signs, numberplates & adverts ….words are everywhere, and where they’re  not  there  I make them up  (sounding a bit like a Rainman now eh?) .

But I often wonder how many other people read what they THINK they see rather than what’s  really there….you know  like seeing  ‘shopfitters’  …. but reading  ‘shoplifters’ ???.. go on admit it, you know you do…(I hope).shoplifting

These days though, there is the added challenge of working out cryptic business names…. you know the ones that someone (often when they were drunk) thought were  really ‘funny’ or clever names and they  turn out to be completely obscure or lame in the light of day.

My favourites are the ones that run the words together into one long nonsensical word. Not like a portmanteaus which can be clever (think ‘labradoodle’ or ‘californication’) ….but more like a  wordsaladorjumblewordstryingtopull  them apart at the right spot to see what is actually there.

Today I followed billthewindowman.. and had myself convinced that it was something to do with a blind woman… mmm I wonder how much business you get if people can’t figure what your name is?

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13 May

brain

ouch 😦

paranoia…

12 May

Today I wonder ….

“why do we all feel guilty & slam our foot on the brake, when we spot a highway patrol car?”

I mean even when you know you’re not speeding, there is this overwhelming sense of paranoia that kicks in, and before you know it your palms are sweaty, your grip on the steering wheel gets that little bit tighter and you can’t take your eyes off the speedo…. a recipe for disaster really.highway patrol

Today  I was calmly minding my own business as I approached one of those big yellow flashing message boards that shouts out your speed in bright lights for the whole world to see. Then  I glanced in my rear view mirror and spotted a police car…. argh panic !

I scored  54KPH in a 60 zone… followed by a giant flashing  ‘thank you’… all I could think was I hope that friendly  police officer saw my score, and just how grateful the monitor was for my careful driving… now follow someone else!…PLEASE.

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want to buy a ….

11 May

Some time ago I made mention of some of the more unusual radio and TV commercials that I was hearing .. adverts for all sorts of crazy things, from burial plots to the funeral plans that help you on your way to them.

BUT  a couple of days ago my (nowhere near 50something) daughter  pointed out that she had been streaming a USA station where she was hearing a non stop run of ads for adoption of real live children. I couldn’t believe it …adoption

I struggle to imagine going about my business and hearing an ad that’s meant to make me think about adopting a child  … and having a spontaneous thought, yeah I think I will do that, right after a get my hair done and pick up the groceries.

I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry… but I guess its a reasonable thing to wonder about on Mother’s Day.

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