Tag Archives: humour

directionally challenged…

6 Oct

It’s funny how there seem to be a few recurrent themes that have popped up along the way in my year long blog challenge… and one of them is “signs”  cryptic, mis-spelled or just plain stupid, they seem to catch my attention.

Today though I was struck by their absence. Just when I really wanted one there were none to be seen.

We were off on a boating adventure about 30km or so upstream heading to a cafe for lunch. With no waterways map, just a printout of google earth to show us our progress, it was hard to know exactly how far we had travelled …or where on earth we were…(UNTIL I realised that we could use the GPS on our mobile phone ..but that’s another story).

It made me wonder why there are no ‘location’ markers anywhere en’route … you know like a suburb name or point of interest that would make it easier to get some bearings from the water….I mean, it’s not rocket science is it?

While I’m having a bit of a ‘sign whine’ …I can tell you that I had 2  encounters this week that would both fit the stupid category.

On Tuesday at the hospital I saw a regulation red STOP sign plastered on the side wall of a building. No walkway, no doorway just a blank wall that said STOP !!! – go figure (perhaps it’s a way of preventing hospital over-crowding).

The following day I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and noticed a yellow barricade… (the kind use at road-works sites) that had been placed square across the zebra stripes ..and the sign ~facing me said “beware of pedestrians”….mmm now we couldn’t have THEM on a crossing now could we ?

Finally I was reminded of one sign that has received a fair bit of exposure ..but still makes me smile

Caution This Sign Has Sharp Edges

 

 

HUH ???

 

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the power of the pelvic floor ..

12 Sep

Tonight’s offering comes as a result of spending 2 days in lock down with 14 other women …75% of whom where in the same 50Something age range…and one man (some might say he was lucky ~while others would be hugely sympathetic).

While the days were full of mental and emotional stimulation, soul searching and forward planning …they were also peppered with humour, hysterics and coughing (it will be a miracle if we don’t all succumb to the germs that were being shared in droplets amongst all of us …but we ARE a ‘caring n sharing’  kinda bunch).

The conversation was deep and at times very emotional and revealing…but you can always count on light relief from this bunch, with an inappropriate joke or comment to move things back to the comfort zone. Continence2_000

That is ….until someone suddenly has the urgent need to pee. With that amount of heightened energy and emotion in the room, the relief was palpable when a distraction came in the form of a  50Something pelvic floor.. that just couldn’t hold on another second and made a bee line for the bathroom.

Our pelvic floor muscles are so under-rated an under-appreciated. After all, look at the fantastic effort in holding our bits were they belong for 49 years …before, suddenly the are in the hot seat for public humiliation when they begin to fail at 50.

So while you are busy contemplating the meaning of this nonsense ..spare a thought for yours and put it through it’s paces while you thank it for all the hard work over the years. Even you guys can give it a crack… and I promise you will feel it doing you good.

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phew… it’s not just me …..

26 Jul

eyebrows are a worry everywhere …see what the fashion pundits are saying

you heard it here first

(I always knew I was a trendsetter… I’m 50 Something but not dead yet)

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what’s in a name ?

5 Jun

namesTonight’s nonsense is one of those stories that sound to odd to be real… but I swear on my keyboard it is the truth…. trust me I’m a Nurse…(well I was once).

Here we go…

You probably recall learning that WAY BACK that surnames originated from your occupation …  if you made barrels you surname would become Cooper, if you played with wood you would likely become known as Carpenter, if you were part of the constabulary you might be called a Constable…. I’m sure you get the picture.

But I wonder how that translates in the modern world … I mean is our name a self fulfilling prophecy ??

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Back in my school days I knew of a woodwork teacher called Mr Nailor, and a technical drawing teacher called Mr Drew. Later when I went nursing I met a girl called Joy Nurse.. (true) and what’s even funnier is that she was awarded “Nurse of the Year” so she became Nurse Nurse~ Nurse of the Year…then graduated and became Sister Nurse (yep..that’s telling, … but I remember I AM 50 Something)…. No doubt the list goes on … But why am I writing this ???

Well…because you see, today I sent an email to make an enquiry about the cost of  hiring a ‘snow machine’ (but that’s another story)… I near fell over when the reply came from Dean Sunshine …. SERIOUSLY!! (see the screen snip from my inbox).

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Now I just wonder if he got into snow because of …or in spite of… his name ???  Either way it was the highlight of my otherwise dull day, so thanks Mr Sunshine, you made me smile.

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nature calling …..again

3 Feb

Today I’m  daring to take the tone of the blog down a little and revisit our earlier observations about bodily functions, …. THEN  by adding the provocative question:‘is  scratching a back-itch better than sex?’ … (but more on that later) .bladder

Back to the bladder blog ‘need to pee’…which has brought people out of the closet…(or perhaps loo) to admit that they too experience the  ‘get home.., remove key from ignition.., balance the groceries and handbag.., try to unlock the door.., burst inside and rush to the loo’ syndrome. Surprisingly even men in their middle years have whispered that they have these urges (minus the groceries and handbag of course).

But today I want to take it a step further …to the physical sensations of relief when you finally get there. I thought I was a little unusual and alone in this one…UNTIL the conversation turned to the recent blog post …Suddenly I discovered that I am NOT the only one whose teeth tingle when I have been busting to pee …and finally make it.

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Is that weird ? …. Well, I thought so, but at least 3 other people have admitted to sharing the same experience.  Then along comes  ‘Mr 50 something’  who shares the fact that HIS hands and fingers tingle at that glorious moment of relief !!! … WOW, the things we discover about each other after 33years of marriage.

 Having peaked your curiosity ~ I think I’ll save the back-scratch for tomorrow night.

 (I’m 50 something …but not dead yet)P1120630

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battle of the senses

14 Jan

YP1090208ou’ve gotta laugh …otherwise it might make you cry.  We’ve all seen the hallmark greeting cards and email gags about the more ‘senior’ folk who are hard of hearing…Well picture this. Yesterday we took my 92yo MIL out for a spot of shopping and a trip to the bank. Being extremely frail we organised a courtesy wheelchair for the adventure; but only 15 mins or so into our window shopping, she announced (rather loudly) that a toilet stop was needed. Fortunately the disabled loo was nearby, clean and vacant …so we managed without TOO much drama and relatively unscathed by the experience. However, when we made it to the bank and sat (while ’50 something’ son did the banking for her), she announced to me …in the voice of a deaf woman minus her hearing aids… that she was feeling a bit ‘unusual’ in the toilet department and thought she might have piles. This whole scene was a tad awkward (especially given the silence of the bank)… but was made worse as I tried to reply with something sensible… in MY broken and voiceless whisper … All I got back in response was a very loud  “EH LOVE ?… WHAT DID YOU SAY”? Now I am very familiar with not being heard, but normally I can make myself understood second time around with a few hand gestures….but this was a little difficult and the more I tried, the louder she got. The whole scene ended with her saying loud and clear … “EH? I CAN’T HEAR YOU….I SAID I THINK I HAVE HAEMORRHOIDS”! At which point we took the money and left the bank (good thing we won’t be back at that branch anytime soon).