Tag Archives: real life

paranoia…

12 May

Today I wonder ….

“why do we all feel guilty & slam our foot on the brake, when we spot a highway patrol car?”

I mean even when you know you’re not speeding, there is this overwhelming sense of paranoia that kicks in, and before you know it your palms are sweaty, your grip on the steering wheel gets that little bit tighter and you can’t take your eyes off the speedo…. a recipe for disaster really.highway patrol

Today  I was calmly minding my own business as I approached one of those big yellow flashing message boards that shouts out your speed in bright lights for the whole world to see. Then  I glanced in my rear view mirror and spotted a police car…. argh panic !

I scored  54KPH in a 60 zone… followed by a giant flashing  ‘thank you’… all I could think was I hope that friendly  police officer saw my score, and just how grateful the monitor was for my careful driving… now follow someone else!…PLEASE.

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the advantage of acne…..

14 Feb

As some of you know (and for those who don’t… I’ll tell you) 2 weeks ago I had a call to say I WON …repeat WON… a trip to New York City !!!!! (courtesy of the Sydney Opera House).

How awesome is that ?

So …. the arrangements are all coming together beautifully and easily (with the Opera House staff taking control) however the one thing that I need to arrange is travel insurance …. (funny really since they are paying, but hey, stick with me on this).

I do the obligatory on-line research and start the comparison of value for money…bla bla bla. acne 2Then suddenly I am stopped in my tracks. NOT because of ‘exclusions’ …. BUT because of automatic ‘inclusions’.

I quickly discover that I am covered (‘at no extra cost’) for ACNE and MENOPAUSE!!!  how generous!

Given that we are both ’50 something’ …I’m guessing that acne is not likely to be a HUGE consideration…. but ‘MENOPAUSE’ ??? oh my goodness do they think I’m going  to make a claim for hot flushes?  sleeplessness?  brain fog?…. or just being grumpy.

…come to think of it …..maybe … just maybe!

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the need to pee ….

21 Jan

Over recent years I have noticed a very bizarre phenomenon… the need to pee as soon as I pull up in at home and the keys are removed from the ignition.loo2

This strange situation usually happens at the end of the day, when… with great relief I wheel into the garage and begin to unload the shopping (along with all the sundry bags and items collected throughout the day). It’s a though a switch is flicked, and I have to pee….right then and there.. !!!

It quickly becomes a mind game, as I employ every single muscle fibre of my well tuned pelvic floor (at least it once was)…  to buy myself enough time to at least get all the stuff as far as the kitchen before rushing full speed into the bathroom (God help me if the backdoor is locked and my hands are full while I fumble for a key).

But here’s the puzzle…the normal trip home is 30 mins, yet on the odd day that I am travelling from the city it can be up to 2 hours …it makes NO difference how long or short the trip is. Nor does it matter that I make  a conscious habit of going to the loo before leaving the office, it’s just an automatic response to arriving home (mmm what does THAT say?).

I cast my mind back to the 80’s when I worked as a Childbirth Educator… coaching couples in the care and fitness of their pelvic floors, drilling them in their exercises like it was boot camp. I wonder just how bad things would now be without the benefit of all that training.

Guess it’s just another one of the joys of being ‘50 something’ !

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the party’s over…time to detox

17 Jan

Sadly all good things come to an end, including holidays. You know that time has arrived when you begin craving a daily routine… and lettuce leaves.

Having abandoned all diet rules over these past weeks, I thought it might be good to kick start a return to the real world with a ‘foot spa detox’ at the local massage parlour.  With promises to ‘suck the toxins right out of your system via the soles of you feet’… it seemed an offer too good to refuse (and perhaps too good to believe)…but what the hell?  If there was ever any doubt, the thought of a relaxing foot massage at the end, certainly sealed the deal.

Now first up I must say there was something a little unnerving about sitting with my feet in a tub full of water and an electric current running through it… but hey, what could possibly go wrong? Anyway… I’m here to tell the story.

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The effect was obvious within minutes. Swirls of colour began to appear and the water gradually started to look like the sludge of a slow running creek. To think those oily slicks, bubbles and flecks of crap were emerging from MY body was enough to make me want to puke… but at the same time provided enormous amusement….so I guess the experience was worth it for the entertainment value alone (not to mention the massage).

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I am keeping an open mind, but emerged feeling very relaxed and   ‘cleansed’, almost virtuous and pure (and with very clean feet). Apparently the full effect and sense of wellbeing will peak within 3-4 days, but for now I can say that I immediately felt lighter … not sure if that’s due to the removal of toxins or money from my wallet….we’ll just have to wait and see, meanwhile bring on the lettuce leaves.

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the fine art of fishing

16 Jan

It’s true to say that ever since I was young, I have liked to challenge convention; not in any huge anti-establishment kind of way, but more an irreverence to accepted practice. As a young adult I was always good at questioning and then stretching the rules (rather than breaking them outright) and the more someone told me ‘this is the way we do it …(whatever ‘IT’ was)’ the more likely I was to find an alternative way to get there.

So it comes as no surprise that from the time I met my now ’50 something’ man, (who considered himself an accomplished fisherman; having been trained in the nuances of the sport by his father) … I have challenged the ‘rules’ of fishing.  Who says the fish don’t bite if it’s windy (surely it doesn’t affect them underwater)… or that you should have a particular type of line with a particular style of hook if you want to catch a particular kind of fish…and then there is the bait… bla bla bla ….on it goes, and suddenly a simple and relaxing pastime becomes fraught with rules.

MY rule is just grab whatever leftovers you have handy (that will stay on your hook), and knock yourself out. As for line and rigging …if it looks good and the hook stays on, then who cares what kind of knots you tie?

Some of my more successful moments have been with apple and chicken, but over the past few days I have managed to score flathead with BBQ’d tomato and basil sausage, and bream with multigrain toast. See…Who said it needs to be complicated?  (although I’m sure my now departed FIL would turn in his grave at the thought …)P1120516

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hunger games

15 Jan

I’m not sure if I am alone in this…but I rarely ever get ‘hungry’. Sure I eat (way too much over these past few weeks) but ordinarily food barely makes it onto MY Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.

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I like to cook… but in a creative kind of way for a special occasion or special person, but the idea of weekly shopping for food as basic sustenance bores me to tears these days…ESPECIALLY if I am not feeling hungry at the time. I stare at the supermarket shelves or into the butchers cabinet and I draw a blank…instead of being inspired and exciting my taste buds, my mind goes blank and I end up with a version of the same thing as last time ….UNLESS it’s a special meal and I am shopping for interesting and exotic ingredients with that in mind.

Whenever I am  asked what do you want to do for dinner ? … I’m happy to defer with the standard “I don’t mind…what would you like to do?” because it’s a rare day that I have any particular taste desire.

This is a more recent phenomenon. I mean… I  always managed to feel the kids well when they were small… but these days I’m more likely to look at the clock at 8.30pm  and think ‘mmmm I guess it may be time to consider what to prepare for dinner … oh, but seriously does anyone really want to eat?’ … (as I look about and see them gnawing their arms off up to the elbows). Not that they are incapable of cooking … but somewhere in the back of my brain there IS  a plan and they all know that they dare not interfere with that!

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battle of the senses

14 Jan

YP1090208ou’ve gotta laugh …otherwise it might make you cry.  We’ve all seen the hallmark greeting cards and email gags about the more ‘senior’ folk who are hard of hearing…Well picture this. Yesterday we took my 92yo MIL out for a spot of shopping and a trip to the bank. Being extremely frail we organised a courtesy wheelchair for the adventure; but only 15 mins or so into our window shopping, she announced (rather loudly) that a toilet stop was needed. Fortunately the disabled loo was nearby, clean and vacant …so we managed without TOO much drama and relatively unscathed by the experience. However, when we made it to the bank and sat (while ’50 something’ son did the banking for her), she announced to me …in the voice of a deaf woman minus her hearing aids… that she was feeling a bit ‘unusual’ in the toilet department and thought she might have piles. This whole scene was a tad awkward (especially given the silence of the bank)… but was made worse as I tried to reply with something sensible… in MY broken and voiceless whisper … All I got back in response was a very loud  “EH LOVE ?… WHAT DID YOU SAY”? Now I am very familiar with not being heard, but normally I can make myself understood second time around with a few hand gestures….but this was a little difficult and the more I tried, the louder she got. The whole scene ended with her saying loud and clear … “EH? I CAN’T HEAR YOU….I SAID I THINK I HAVE HAEMORRHOIDS”! At which point we took the money and left the bank (good thing we won’t be back at that branch anytime soon).