Archive | February, 2014

how to ruin a good movie …and lunch

8 Feb

Sitting in a cafe today and I was acutely aware of the bizarre scene that was unfolding at the next table.

Nothing dreadful (well I guess, that’s debatable lol), just two ’50 something women’ talking. Perhaps I should rephrase that ~ one talking …loudly and non stop, while the other made strange noises like ‘ooh’… ‘o-h’…’reeea-lly’…’mmm’ …’yeah’.

It was the most absurd demonstration of one sided babble, while woman #1 proceeded to tell her friend (and anyone within earshot), the entire storyline of a new release movie. At every opportunity she mentioned ‘Geoffrey Rush’  by name, as though she was trying to sound cultured, although the loud and monotone voice was a dead give-away on the question of culture. shhh

Then, only mildly more irritating than the Geoffrey Rush echo was the repeated chorus line  ‘you’ve just GOT to see it’  … well here’s the truth ..No she doesn’t…. and neither do we, now that we know the whole darn story.

Perhaps it’s vocal envy, and my inability to compete… but I have to say that overbearing voices are right up there on my list of the ten most irritating behaviours ~ even worse than nose picking or pimple squeezing.

I’m irritated and ’50 something’…P1120647 but not dead yet.

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it’s a sign…..

7 Feb

Where is the quality control? I mean, whose job is it to check that the sign-writer can spell before employing them to promote the business. I must say nothing puts me off a company more than the first impression that they are illiterate.

Sure everyone needs a little help with spelling from time to time … but lets face it …that’s what spellcheck is for…. but when you have someone create signage for you it should be accurate, clear and at the very least ….spelled right.

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My  ‘spell-check juices’ where reignited this morning when I drove past a new local business…  and there it was hanging in pride of place above the shopfront window…the offending sign.

Now one could make ‘some’ allowance if English is not the first language…… BUT seriously???

This got me thinking and prompted me to take a peek on the internet to see some of the worst offenders … Now I’m not silly… and I do know that some of the funnier images have been photoshopped to look extra bad… but my guess is that there are also  many many genuine mistakes.

Judge for yourself … but I’ve gotta say the schools are a worry…if THEY can’t get it right ….who can ???spelling 5

spelling 1

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coffee cringes

6 Feb

I love my coffee just as much as the next person …but I really find ‘coffee snobs’ hard to swallow; they are popping up everywhere and are just as bad as the know-it-all wine snob. I really don’t care whether it’s plunged, perked, dripped or instant…as long as it is hot strong and not-too-milky.

Which brings me to my point…. when IS it ok to complain about a bad one, without sounding like a complete tosser?

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Today I had the pleasure of meeting a friend for catch up and coffee at a cafe in her workplace … It was made even better when she offered to shout…( I should have suspected something when she opted for a cold drink instead).  So, there we were settled into our conversation and I took my first sip… eeek… watery and very very odd flavour. I just smiled and we continued to talk as I felt awkward that:  (a) she has paid for it …and (b) I hate to complain (and sound like a tosser).

So…I persevered for 2 more  mouthfuls until it all became TOO much…The vile after-taste had me imagining that I was about to succumb to some sort of bizarre toxicity and be rushed off to the local hospital ( and THAT wasn’t a good option – I know because I work there).

I eventually fess up and tell my friend that it is god awful, and she laughed saying “that’s why no-one buys coffee here”. (LOL thanks Karen).

I decided to brave it and tell the barista…BUT… given the crowd and my ‘vocal challenges’, it just all became too hard …so I binned it !! (and left feeling bad for the next victim)…. BUT I am happy to report that I’m 50 something and (still) not dead yet despite my ordeal.

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Image 5 Feb

sorry … but tonight I am just …

too tired

and my fingers feel dyslexic

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scratch that itch…

4 Feb

Last night I posed the question … is a good back scratch better than sex?back scratch 2

Well I’m going to let you make up your own mind about THAT… All I am suggesting is that over more recent years…(since becoming a ‘50 something’)I have developed an itchy back.  There are no signs of anything wrong or irritation, I just think I’ve come to love the sensation of a good back scratch and will take (almost) any opportunity to get one.

Funny really, because I can remember my dear Dad sidling up to a door jam for a good old back scratch, and thinking he was ‘a little odd’ as he almost purred with relief while he rubbed his back against the sharp timber edge.

But, I sometimes wonder what comes first the itch?… or the scratch?

Scratching perpetuates the itch and before you know it the whole surface of your back is screaming out for more (I’m sure you all know that deliriously delightful sensation).

When checking to see if there were any photos worth pinching to attach to tonight’s post, I stumbled across the attached link to an article called  “scratching your ankle is like masturbating” …. so perhaps we ARE onto something here after all ….but in the wrong area.

Lets face it…it’s cheap, it’s easy, and you can do it almost anywhere… alone or with a partner.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/131957/scratching_your_ankle_is_the.

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nature calling …..again

3 Feb

Today I’m  daring to take the tone of the blog down a little and revisit our earlier observations about bodily functions, …. THEN  by adding the provocative question:‘is  scratching a back-itch better than sex?’ … (but more on that later) .bladder

Back to the bladder blog ‘need to pee’…which has brought people out of the closet…(or perhaps loo) to admit that they too experience the  ‘get home.., remove key from ignition.., balance the groceries and handbag.., try to unlock the door.., burst inside and rush to the loo’ syndrome. Surprisingly even men in their middle years have whispered that they have these urges (minus the groceries and handbag of course).

But today I want to take it a step further …to the physical sensations of relief when you finally get there. I thought I was a little unusual and alone in this one…UNTIL the conversation turned to the recent blog post …Suddenly I discovered that I am NOT the only one whose teeth tingle when I have been busting to pee …and finally make it.

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Is that weird ? …. Well, I thought so, but at least 3 other people have admitted to sharing the same experience.  Then along comes  ‘Mr 50 something’  who shares the fact that HIS hands and fingers tingle at that glorious moment of relief !!! … WOW, the things we discover about each other after 33years of marriage.

 Having peaked your curiosity ~ I think I’ll save the back-scratch for tomorrow night.

 (I’m 50 something …but not dead yet)P1120630

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it’s a dogs life

2 Feb

Driving past the local vet I saw the sign for puppy preschool. Now most of us would not argue with the idea of teaching a new dog who the boss is, along with a few basic manners…..but is this obsession with pooch pampering all going a bit too far?

Below the sign for ‘puppy preschool’ was one for ‘puppy primary’ …(who knows what that involves, but guessing it doesn’t include reading and writing)… I can almost cope with this too; EXCEPT this is hot on the heels of seeing adverts for doggie dance classes. Yep … that’s right! Owners and their precious pooches dress up and ‘trip the light fantastic’ (not sure what you would call the moves … but  I can’t imagine too much twirking or hip hop).

pampered pooch

Then there was the puppy parlour …Decked out like a beauty salon, pampered pooches can be washed, fluffed  and flounced with ribbons and bows…all to make the owners feel good before heading off to one of the boutiques to buy a new outfit. Selling all things glitter and bling, these up-market fashion stores even sell shoes for the best dressed canines.

I was first exposed to poncy puppies in New York City’s Central Park a few years back. We saw ‘dog walkers’ taking their four legged charges for their daily exercise wearing diamante collar, soft lace up shoes and often a t-shirt or jacket. This is certainly a long way from our two ‘paddock pooches’, who despite being much loved…. live, and are treated like dogs. 

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the sky’s the limit

1 Feb

Yesterday  I was driving between offices  when I noticed some graffiti going on … Not on a fence or a wall but on the clear blue sky.  The perfect background became the canvas for a touching and personal message to D.K, who is clearly no longer with us… BUT it immediately struck me that sign-P1120591writing with a jet, is a rather extravagant and inexact  way to get your sentiment across.

The more I watched it unfold (while driving carefully of course) my mind began to boggle.

How DO they do it ? I mean it’s hard enough to write straight on a piece of paper without any lines ….so imagine being in a plane and trying to get your letters to line up, and be legible.

Then there is the timing …if the message is long, the  start is almost ‘on its way out’  before the sentence is finished…and what about the wind ??  It would really give you the shits if you got half way and the wind picked up and blew it all away.

What fascinated me even more with this particular message was that while it was being created  it looked like group of horizontal lines one above the other …THEN 5 minutes later  when I arrived at my stop and looked up it was clearly visible across the sky as “I’ll be missing U”.

HOW ? did the wind blow it into position? or did the earth rotate in that 5minutes? or did I just move to look at it from a different angle?                                                     

I have NO idea how it works … but I guess the dear departed D.K is lucky to have someone creative, clever and wealthy enough to make such a grand… but temporary statement on the sky.

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