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first world birthday dilemmas

13 Jan

Ok so what do you do when you simply run out of ideas? …Birthday gift ideas that is.

After celebrating 35 Christmas’ …35 birthdays… and 33 anniversaries…not to mention the random acts of gift giving in between,  I have finally drawn a blank when it comes to that special treat for my ‘50 something’ man. The 103+ presents to date have ranged from practical to creative and at times completely useless (I remember the 2 ton pet rock for the garden in 1995),  and from thrifty to extravagant. P1090245But today I could think of  nothing!!! nought, zip, zero.

Why is it that are men are just so hard to buy for ?… He either has it, (or simply doesn’t need or want it) or is fussy and too hard to please.  Yet on the other hand women are so easy (they can NEVER have too much jewellery or perfume).

One year I even tried the World Vision ‘water wells for a village’ approach …mmm, while it made me feel good it probably missed the mark just a little (lucky I didn’t go for the goat).

Sigh…perhaps it’s time to revisit to old days of sock and undies with the odd hankie thrown in (actually, come to think of it …does anyone even use hankies these days?)

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walking…the rules of engagement

12 Jan

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It’s not an unusual sight these days to see morning walkers out and about, doing their bit to control the bulging waistline; but never is this more evident than the holidaymakers in January on the coast.

All the ‘50 somethings’ with their new-found resolutions, flock to the foreshores for their morning exercise, before heading home for a cooked up brekkie, a rest and a leisurely read of the paper, followed by lunch and a well earned ‘cold one’(if they’re super keen they may have squeezed in a sleep on the beach and an ice-cream beforehand …but of course that’s optional).

The art of the ‘50 something’ morning walk is something worthy of comment. First of all there is the look…no sweaty gym gear for this lot; its fresh joggers, white socks, shorts and t shirt (more often than not, with a matching visor).  Unlike the under 30’s, who are pounding the pavement beside them in singlets with sweat glistening on their rippled bodies (and for whom jogging is as natural as breathing)…Instead, this lot stroll along with a pause here and there to gaze at the marine life or to stop and chat with a ‘fellow walker’… BUT as long as this morning ritual lasts a minimum of 45mins, it’s respectable to go home shower, flop and feel good about yourself.

Then there is the etiquette… the unspoken rules that say; stay to the left, allow the speedier paced to pass, and don’t confuse oncoming (pedestrian) traffic with any sudden movement…or worse still, no movement at all.  Apparently this is MY crime …. frequently accused of ‘not paying attention’ or ‘choosing my line’ too late, I’m beginning to wonder if  the ‘walking police’ will soon insist on us all having a pedestrian licence before setting a jogger on the pavement.

Still it shouldn’t be too big an issue; because for most of us it’s a short lived phenomenon and by February the joggers and visors will be securely packed…ready for next year.

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water-tight …

11 Jan

Before I start today’s trip inside my head just a little background for those of you that have recently joined my 365 day blog challenge.

First of all… ‘the windows’… I discovered one day that lots of my travel photos contained windows… all captured quite by accident. Funny really because I’ve always loved the idea of peeking through windows right on dusk to be a ‘fly on the wall’; not in any creepy kind of way…but I love people, and have always been fascinated by what makes them tick, (so where better to see that than inside their own homes?) .

Anyway … in more recent years since losing my voice, I have wished that people had a clear view through ‘my’ window to see what goes on inside this crazy busy mind (realising that  it’s mostly useless nonsense…) because it’s just too bloody hard to express all this trivia in words. I can manage to get my message across for the ‘essentials’ but the more colourful, detailed minutia of the mind needs a place to escape (before my head bursts).

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Now, while finding something to reflect on every day should be easy … there is just so much going on, that it’s sometimes hard to choose, and that in itself becomes a challenge. So each day is just a snapshot of something quirky, amusing or completely banal that makes its way through the chaos of my mind, and is captured in a few paragraphs of nonsense for you to read …or not.

Today it’s all about hair (a recurring theme – it seems) …but this time from a completely different angle.

Holidaying on the coast I couldn’t help but notice an extremely hirsute 50 something man swimming at the beach, BUT NOT GETTING WET!! What the …? Go Figure!!!

As I watched for over half an hour to see this ‘furry fella’ dive and emerge with little more than a glisten on his profuse and well populated follicles, I resisted the urge to pass on the details of the nearest beauty salon for a quick depilation.  BUT when  I turned my attention to a young bohemian, swimming beside me with a huge head of BONE DRY dreadlocks…. I was stumped… How is it that I look  like a drowned rat (flat and frazzled), while these two guys floating by were seemingly waterproof?

Not fair…I want what they’re having!

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nailing it …

10 Jan

Along with some of my earlier reflections on ‘all things fashion in your fifties’…I’m fascinated with the exponential increase in the number of nail salons popping up ….and the ‘busyness’ of each and every one of them.

When did we get too lazy to file and shape our own nails??…and to sit for an hour or so in a chemical war zone pretending to be pampered, just for the pleasure of pretty pinkies? Don’t get me wrong …I do it too…BUT I wonder at what point it became so acceptable and desirable to have perfectly  groomed  nails on hands and feet ….yet the rest of our body is succumbing to the ravages of age? …Guess it’s just one more of the mysteries of the modern world!

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the truth about chickens and dolphins

9 Jan

Today I am embarrassed to admit that despite having spent 55 years on this earth, there are so many things I simply have no idea about.

P1120335Over lunch the conversation turned to the mating habits of chickens …(don’t ask me why), and I realised that I did not have a clue about the process of poultry egg fertilisation….  yet despite the fact that I am a midwife, and can tell you anything you want to know about human reproduction …It seems that when it comes to all things ‘foul’… I’ve got nothing.

Later in the day the topic moved to dolphins. Where?… and how ? DO they sleep? and what ELSE do they get up to? (other than playing and providing endless entertainment for onlookers….and a lucrative business opportunity for anyone with a boat big enough to fill with enthusiastic tourists in order to  take their money in the hope of seeing these giant frolicking  fish oops I mean mammals).

Then there was that amazing rainbow halo around the sun today….making it look both eerie and beautiful, BUT what did it mean???

All I can say is ‘thank god for google’ …and that long gone are the old days of the Funk and Wagnells!

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viagara ….and the old fella

8 Jan

Well here we are tonight P1120315surrounded by an auditorium full of baby boomers…. and listening to a stand up comedian wax lyrical about all things ‘middle age’. It’s hilarious  EXCEPT for the fact that I look around the room and think OMG   I am NOT as old as all these people …am I ??

The men with balding heads (and muffin tops spilling over their collars) … the women who look tired, and like the essence of their life has been sucked right out of them!!! … I’m trapped in a moment of dread and question …where DO I fit??

I know that it is right and proper that we pass the baton to the next generation… but somehow I still dread the idea that I have been relinquished to the pile of nondescript middle aged women who just blend into the background …like white noise.  Don’t get me wrong … I equally fear being seen as ‘mutton dressed as lamb’  … you know, one of those women who insist on dressing like their daughters (or worse still…. their granddaughters) … BUT I’m not quite ready for the twinset  and pearls or ‘sensible clothes’ that are befitting of a ‘woman my age’ …whatever that means !!

I’m 50 something … but not dead yet !!!

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the halo effect

7 Jan

We all know it (well at least all of us ‘50 somethings’ do)…that dreaded moment you look closely in the mirror when putting the final touches on, and you see it…. the dreaded halo!!! You know…. that sneaky silver shadow that circumnavigates your hair line. How is it that it just seems to appear overnight with no warning?? One minute you are coloured to your roots, feeling in complete control, tP1080978hen bingo …the next day there is half a centimetre of glow, but not the kind that makes you look angelic.

But wait, it gets worse….there is nothing more scary  than discovering the said halo effect smack in the middle of your loved and trusted hairdresser moving on, forcing you to face the terrifying thought of breaking in a new one…in a hurry!!!  Only a woman can understand that your hairdresser sits right up there next to your gp, gynaecologist and god, when it comes to implicit faith.

So… how DO you know where to go when you are cut adrift?

And when you DO finally find someone, how long does it take to get past thinking that they will never be as good as the last?     

Since ‘going short’ 2 years ago, I have developed an incredibly close bond with the lovely Richelle  ..in fact visiting her every 3 weeks has meant I saw her more than most of my family. We have shared the good the bad and the ugly when it comes to life events… we’ve laughed and we’ve cried, but now (good on her) she is getting on with her own life…and I’m left with nothing but a halo!

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submerged

6 Jan

Well…what can I say ? …. Just when I was trying to think of which particular part of MY day to share, I read the article linked below, ..  and well everything else seemed quite mundane really.

C140ruising around the lake alongside the dolphins… and retrieving a submerged “push-bike wreck “from the depths,  have absolutely nothing on climbing naked into a washing machine and needing to be rescued by ‘on call’ emergency workers .

Wow,  all I can think is ….’mmm that would have been a hard one to explain”

Til next time, 

Take a peek for yourself…http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-01-06/olive-oil-used-to-free-naked-man-hiding-in-washing-machine/5186922

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life’s a beach

5 Jan

Funny how on holidays a trip to the beach allows us to expose all sorts of things that we ‘50 somethings‘  would never dream of revealing at home; lumps, bumps, rolls and folds that stay neatly tucked away from public view for 50 weeks of the year, are gloriously revealed for all the world to see….and you know what…who cares ???  When it’s all done and dusted the beach is a great leveller; age and shape are both secondary to the thought of enjoying a few hours of exposing ones flesh to the sun, surf and the summer breeze (and who is gonna recognise you here anyway?).

Then there is the entertainment … there is nothing more fun than ‘people watching’ at the beach … nonstop amusement as you observe the family expeditions dragging the umbrellas, beach chairs, towels, eskies, kids and their boards from the car across the hot sand, to claim a perfect spot …and then begin constructing a home away from home (for all of 3 hours). It’s great being an observer, hiding behind the sunglasses & book, while  sneakily watching the  dads who fight against the wind to erect the umbrella (without it blowing away and impaling someone), and the mums who perform the last minute ‘slip slop slap’ routine on the kids, before they run off into the surf and risk drowning.

Then there are the couples …young ones that can’t keep their hands off each other, old ones that don’t even speak to each other, and the mismatched  pairs that keep you wondering just what their story might be….. (is she REALLY a mail-order bride??)  not that any of it really matters, cause its great fodder for the imagination (and the blog).

Finally the fashions… whether it is swimmers and beachwear accessories… or the latest brightly coloured furniture …I am constantly entertained by the effort that people go to co-ordinate their beach experience (says one who insists that OUR beach chairs match our umbrellas…)    101

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oops ……

4 Jan

I  didn’t count on this …

Having made my commitment to 365 days of writing … I find myself away on hols and challenged by internet access (or lack thereof). I hurriedly bought a ‘dongle’ (who in their right name called it that?) to help out, but the reception is a little hit and miss … so please indulge this super short  nonsensical ramble and I will promise to be on top of the game tomorrow.

Meanwhile just enjoy today’s window.

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